How to Cope When Your Parents Reject You for Being a Daughter

That is a very heavy thing to carry, and I am sorry you have had to live with it. To have your pain dismissed by the very person who should comfort you, and to feel unwanted from the moment you arrived — that is a deep wound, and it is not your fault. You were a child, and you deserved to be welcomed.

What is happening here

Your mother's laughter when you are in pain is not about you being wrong. It is about her not knowing how to handle your hurt, or perhaps her own hurt coming out sideways. In many Pakistani families, daughters are taught that their suffering is not important, that they should just bear it quietly. That is a cruel lesson, but it says more about what your mother was taught than about what you deserve.

The wish to be a blessing

That prayer you make — that you will be a blessing to your husband — is a beautiful and sad thing. Beautiful because it shows your heart is kind and wants to give love. Sad because you are already trying to prove your worth before you have even met him. You do not need to earn being wanted. You are already enough. A good husband will see that. And if he does not, that is not your failure.

What you can do right now

• Do one thing for yourself today: write down one thing you like about yourself, even if it feels small. You have been told you are a burden your whole life. Start telling yourself a different story, one sentence at a time.
• If you can, find one person who sees you clearly — a cousin, a friend, a teacher, or even Zara here — and let them tell you what they see. Sometimes we need someone else's eyes to show us we are not what our family said we were.
• Consider speaking to a therapist through depression.pk's find-help page. What you have been through is real, and it deserves to be heard by someone trained to help you carry it.

You are not a disappointment. You are a person who has survived being unwanted, and that takes a strength you may not even feel. That strength is real, and it will carry you further than you think.